#62, Language: What's Been Lost
Originally posted here on May 5, 2022.
Is there a specific language that is significant to your fictomere?
When a fictive enters our system, they don't always remember everything. Individual memories may become fragmented, whole periods of time may become fuzzy, and oftentimes, most specific knowledge is lost. This includes myself--I used to speak a wide variety of languages, including most European ones, but now, I find myself limited to English, my sixth or seventh language. While I am quite good at it, this is not ideal, and I find it terribly frustrating.
The most frustrating part of it, however, was losing my native language. I do not remember its name, what it sounds like, anything--I had to do some sleuthing via Google and Wikipedia to uncover that I, most likely, spoke the Poitevin dialect of Poitevin-Saintongeais, or at least an early version or precursor to it given how God damn old I am. (I can find little information on it, let alone history.)
Poitevin is classed as severely endangered. This means it will probably not survive another generation. I can find nothing written in it online; no resources to re-learn the modern version, no way to reach for some small piece of what I grew up speaking and, for much of my early life, exclusively thought in. One's native language is a key part of their identity, and for me, it's something that I have
lost.I don't know why I feel so hollow about that. When I found out, when I searched for resources on it and came up empty, I... must confess that I broke down, ever so briefly, in tears, and I still don't completely understand why. It seems that my language was far more precious to me than I had previously assumed... and to learn that I may never speak it nor hear it again, and to know that it will probably be completely gone without the next generation or two... I suppose it was one unpleasant surprise too many.
At least I have a name. I know what it is called, or at least, what it is called now. But no matter how hard I cling to that, it brings no comfort, and I find myself lost as to what to do.